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Archive for the ‘liars’ Category

In recent years, the gps tracking technology has expanded into different industries – from leisure/travel to cellular communication to vehicle/truck fleet tracking, law enforcement, banking/packaging… “Little Buddy Child Tracker” device sold by Best Buy helps parents track their children ‘s whereabouts. Should we have similar device for tracking partner? About a year ago, fascinated by the gps tracking technology, I mentioned the idea of tracking a human with a chip embedded in human body (the arm, especially). The use of these chips is not new – as far as department of intelligence concerned. We see them popular in many spy and scy movies. The agents for sure do not like much about the control issue. But when it comes to relationship, it is the “trust” issue. The controversial’s kick in. I don’t mean all men cheat. But I believe, men and women cheat. There are women who are faithful and take care of home, kids, and husbands in every way still cheat. When you have that suspicion in mind and can’t find time to fit those questions such as “Where were you tonight?”, “Why is there lipstick on your collar?”, “Who is this phone call to?”, “Why are there unfamiliar charges on the credit card statement?”, “Why aren’t we ever intimate any more?”, on and on…, will this technology help catch a partner who cheats, ensure the suspicious men/women of their partners’ integrity, and keep them entrusted in each other? What if he cheats right in his office/house where his wife expects him to be at that time? Cynical I may be. But integrity is a hard-to-find quality nowadays. Leaders are trained to lead with integrity, but they are also humans at the same time. But wait a minute, aren’t we even more evolved humans?
Bernie Madoff or Tiger Woods or John Edwards are a few example of power-abuse. They cheated “just because they thought they could” (per Bill Clinton) without necessarily thinking of the consequence…
Spyware might help provide evidences. But when the trust is broken to the extent that a gps tracking chip needs to be used, the relationship is fragile or already at the probationary stage – like a form of “punishment” or “jail time”. Communication hurts; emotion dies; slight chance of holy rescue if there is.
The keys are respect and responsibility. We adults need to continually learn the word “respect”. In my opinion a “real man” is somebody who treats his wife with total respect, loves her no matter what and is a good dad to the children they have had together. Being committed to your love takes not only respect and self-respect, but also takes constant work. Each partner in the relationship takes charge of preventing the “cheating” from ever happening. You are responsible for your own act(s). If your act was a mistake, apologize and undo your act, then learn to forgive your self and each other. You both will grow out of that mistake, re-nurture each other so that your relationship will grow stronger. Sometimes things don’t always work the way we expect. Frustration from work from business from life is inevitable. But frustration from between the partners should be eliminated. I would discourage the couples from saying “I am frustrated…”. It can put your partner in sunken feeling before you finish your sentence. Instead, ask questions such as “how would you feel if …” and discuss the “why”, the feelings.

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Top 10 list of the dumb things we can all do from time to time, if we are not careful – By Ken Warren.

1 – reading another person’s behaviour in an unnecessarily negative light, not finding a better way to see the situation, if that is possible. When we mis-read their behaviour and don’t cut them any slack, we tend to respond in very human ways.
2 – not thinking before we speak or act. When we do this, often what we have to say comes out badly, at the wrong time, or we don’t talk at all. When we don’t think, we are tempted to do the same thing that helped create the problem in the first place.
3 – simply never finding a good time to talk due to concern about restarting an argument or unproductive conversation. The trouble with this approach is that many matters remain unresolved and the same issues come up again and again.
4 – focusing solely on what the other person is doing wrong, trying to change their behaviour, rather than simply keeping the focus on what we are doing. When we do this, we are effectively trying to control what is out of our control rather than looking at any contribution we may be making.
5 – insisting we be heard first rather than giving genuine understanding to how the other person is seeing things and how strongly they are feeling. If ever you watch a couple of people arguing, you will see them effectively saying, “Shut up and listen to me!”
6 – pretend you don’t have any personal flaws. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst personal flaws you can have, making it hard for you to give genuine apologies, make amends, or learn from your mistakes. It is also very, very annoying for other people to be constantly blamed for interactions in which they feel you have also made a contribution.
7 – not taking other people’s sensitivities into account. This makes it easy to offend or hurt them even when this has not been our intention. Rather than treading carefully around issues that have been hurtful to them, we tell them they are over-reacting, to get over it, or to sort themselves out in therapy.
8 – to think that our way of seeing things is the only way. When we believe this, we tend to try to pressure the other person to come around to our perspective.
9 – to think that other people are wired the same as you. People are different in what helps them to feel happy and have different ways of doing things. But it is the way we deal with differences that is important. By accepting that people operate differently or see things differently, it becomes easier to accept difference or negotiate a common understanding for the future.
10 – to make choices to meet our needs, but in ways not respectful of other people’s needs. For example, we throw ourselves into our work instead of giving priority to the needs of our family. Or we have an affair, drink heavily, or spend too much time on the computer, all of which are not respectful of our partner’s needs. When you don’t take other people’s needs into account, or incorrectly target your efforts, they will not feel inspired to show consideration to you.

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Again and again, so simple just that!

1. Respect. Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies, and minds. You don’t have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honor our opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and “treat us as you would like to be treated”: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.
2. Romance. Just because we’re staying in doesn’t mean the evening can’t be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, physical affection in the car, kissing like when we first started dating — all of the things that made us fall in love with you don’t have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids to be bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We’re not talking $100 bouquets of roses here. Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make us smile.
3. Time. We understand relationships can’t be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says “love” more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before we do, why not vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you’ll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back.
4. Dinner. Of the homemade variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting us at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrastle up) makes us swoon, because it shows that you’ve been thinking about us and our hectic day.
5. Communication. Women are vocal creatures. We know you love us, but it’s nice to hear you say it, too. We can also be insecure. We wish we weren’t, but the reality is that we often notice our wobbly thighs and forget about our gorgeous eyes. So let us know when you think we’re hot. Tell us we’re beautiful. It helps us feel good. Words of appreciation aren’t half-bad either.
6. Consistency. This doesn’t mean be boring and predictable. It means that we know you will (usually — no one is perfect!) give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you’re coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure. Consistency in words is important as well!
7. Engagement. Of the mental kind, not the “I’m getting married in the morning” kind. You don’t have to like everything we like (we might be a little concerned if you do), but showing interest in our passions, be it career-related, a sport, or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when we talk to you. We’re not speaking just so we can hear our own voice; we want to connect with you and this is one valuable way we do this. This also means paying attention to the little things.
8. Humor and Humility. These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn’t mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain us, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.
9. Challenge. Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates us to do, be, or achieve what we desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals — in other words, don’t support lazy or bad habits — are ultimately happier than those who don’t hold each other accountable.

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