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Archive for the ‘Trust’ Category

Listed here are the 21 irrefutable laws of leadership.  From the analysis of each law at https://lynaynle.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post-new.php ,  I found an interesting point about Steve Wozniak’s leadership vs. Steve Jobs’.  Steve Wozniak was the brain behind Apple in the 1970s, but his leadership lid was low.  Steve Jobs’ leadership lid was high, and he built a world-class organization out of Apple.

  • The Law of the Lid – Leadership Ability Determines a Person’s Level of Effectiveness
  • The Law of Influence – The True Measure of leadership Is Influence– Nothing More, Nothing Less
  • The Law of Process – Leadership Develops Daily, Not in a Day
  • The Law of Navigation – Anyone Can Steer the Ship, But It Takes a Leader to Chart the Course
  • The Law of E.F. Hutton – When the Real Leader Speaks, People Listen
  • The Law of Solid Ground – Trust Is the Foundation of Leadership
  • The Law of Respect – People Naturally Follow Leaders Stronger Than Themselves
  • The Law of Intuition – Leaders Evaluate Everything with a Leadership Bias
  • The Law of Magnetism – Who You Are Is Who You Attract
  • The Law of Connection – Leaders Touch a Heart Before The Ask for a Hand
  • The Law of the Inner Circle – A Leader’s Potential Is Determined by Those Closest to Him
  • The Law of Empowerment – Only Secure Leaders Give Powers to Others
  • The Law of Reproduction – It Takes a Leader to Raise Up a Leader
  • The Law of Buy-In – People Buy Into the Leader, Then the Vision
  • The Law of Victory – Leaders Find a Way for the Team to Win
  • The Law of the Big MO – Momentum Is a Leader’s Best Friend
  • The Law of Priorities – Leaders Understand That Activity Is Not Necessarily Accomplishment
  • The Law of Sacrifice – A Leader Must Give Up to Go Up
  • The Law of Timing – When to Lead Is As Important As What to Do and Where to Go
  • The Law of Explosive Growth – To Add Growth, Lead Followers–To Multiply, Lead Leaders
  • The Law of Legacy – A Leader’s Lasting Value Is Measured by Succession

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In recent years, the gps tracking technology has expanded into different industries – from leisure/travel to cellular communication to vehicle/truck fleet tracking, law enforcement, banking/packaging… “Little Buddy Child Tracker” device sold by Best Buy helps parents track their children ‘s whereabouts. Should we have similar device for tracking partner? About a year ago, fascinated by the gps tracking technology, I mentioned the idea of tracking a human with a chip embedded in human body (the arm, especially). The use of these chips is not new – as far as department of intelligence concerned. We see them popular in many spy and scy movies. The agents for sure do not like much about the control issue. But when it comes to relationship, it is the “trust” issue. The controversial’s kick in. I don’t mean all men cheat. But I believe, men and women cheat. There are women who are faithful and take care of home, kids, and husbands in every way still cheat. When you have that suspicion in mind and can’t find time to fit those questions such as “Where were you tonight?”, “Why is there lipstick on your collar?”, “Who is this phone call to?”, “Why are there unfamiliar charges on the credit card statement?”, “Why aren’t we ever intimate any more?”, on and on…, will this technology help catch a partner who cheats, ensure the suspicious men/women of their partners’ integrity, and keep them entrusted in each other? What if he cheats right in his office/house where his wife expects him to be at that time? Cynical I may be. But integrity is a hard-to-find quality nowadays. Leaders are trained to lead with integrity, but they are also humans at the same time. But wait a minute, aren’t we even more evolved humans?
Bernie Madoff or Tiger Woods or John Edwards are a few example of power-abuse. They cheated “just because they thought they could” (per Bill Clinton) without necessarily thinking of the consequence…
Spyware might help provide evidences. But when the trust is broken to the extent that a gps tracking chip needs to be used, the relationship is fragile or already at the probationary stage – like a form of “punishment” or “jail time”. Communication hurts; emotion dies; slight chance of holy rescue if there is.
The keys are respect and responsibility. We adults need to continually learn the word “respect”. In my opinion a “real man” is somebody who treats his wife with total respect, loves her no matter what and is a good dad to the children they have had together. Being committed to your love takes not only respect and self-respect, but also takes constant work. Each partner in the relationship takes charge of preventing the “cheating” from ever happening. You are responsible for your own act(s). If your act was a mistake, apologize and undo your act, then learn to forgive your self and each other. You both will grow out of that mistake, re-nurture each other so that your relationship will grow stronger. Sometimes things don’t always work the way we expect. Frustration from work from business from life is inevitable. But frustration from between the partners should be eliminated. I would discourage the couples from saying “I am frustrated…”. It can put your partner in sunken feeling before you finish your sentence. Instead, ask questions such as “how would you feel if …” and discuss the “why”, the feelings.

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I have gained a new perspective from reading this comment posted at AnswerBag. What led me to this page was a triggering comment by a guy friend yesterday, about “women are complicated” (from his experience, I confirmed). I could analyze on and on, I would or may never get what he had in mind. I could have a bunch of questions for him to answer, but then I would become so aggressive or opinionated. Good or bad?
Well, I am very convinced by this excerpt that sometimes instead of analyzing we’d just accept the facts or be aware of the happenings. A kid in me always wants me to ask why, ponder into the reasons behind certain incidents. But over the years, I’ve learned to accept the answers, to just be aware of the facts to what happened, not to ask why too much. Awareness refers to knowing or finding out the why, the what, it takes some problem solving (again, analytical) skills, I believe, and then we have to understand that is the how of the matter. The final picture is what we hold as a lesson or just an acknowledgment. And now I find the word for this process, “synthesis”.

Complicated and simple are actually two sides of the same coin: in order to see complexity, you have to have the notion of simplicity, and vice-versa. So neither complexity NOR simplicity have any independent reality of their own.

But so what? That’s not really what we humans are concerned about when this question comes up, is it? What we want to really know is “why am I confused, and how can I know what’s important and what to focus on?” There’s an anxiety associated with this sense that life is so complex that it’s pulling us in many directions at once and we can’t get “centered”.

There are two opposite capacities that we have as humans: analysis and synthesis. Analysis is based in the mind’s ability to separate things from each other: to form concepts, draw boundaries, build models of relationships, etc. This discriminative ability is what makes life look complicated: WE chop reality up into lots of little pieces and study them in isolation, and the number of such pieces we can create is actually infinite.

So if we ONLY have analysis running (without any synthesis), we end up with a distressingly LARGE supply of pieces to study.

Synthesis is different: synthesis puts pieces together into larger wholes. Most of us are not nearly as good at synthesis as we are at analysis, but many of us can do it well in specific areas: someone who has really “mastered” an art form, craft, or sport is practicing synthesis — they have “become one” with their chosen discipline, creating a synthesis in which “self and paint”, or “self and instrument”, or “self and ball” have ceased to be two completely separate things, and have merged into a larger whole.

From the outside, such a synthesis may look like magic, and in a way it is. But it’s more valuable to see the deeper process at work: the collecting of bits and pieces and restoring their original wholeness, prior to discrimination / separation — that’s what resolves our anxiety about complexity.

So why does THIS explanation sound so complicated? Because the mind which analyzes wants to cling to thorough explanations, and having such an explanation helps it to relax a bit. What we’re really talking about in practical terms is learning to be aware (synthesis) instead of continuing to focus on thinking (analysis).

Awareness is synthesis: if you want life to be simpler, without going down some strange tunnel like throwing out 90% of your stuff, learn to be more aware. That will solve the life-is-complicated problem where it really matters.

I used to have this saying “Life is complicated already. Simplify it.” Since I’ve practiced awareness and synthesized all that life has offered, yes, “life is short. Life has its own meaningful seasons”.
Next time I would just say “That is so her”. Or, “that is just him”. The choice we make, the life we take. We can choose to accept him/her, but can’t change who he/she is.
On a Christian TV station, the hostess always says bye with “Life is fragile. Take care of each other.”
So, using the opening sentence I can conclude it in this quote: “Complicated and simple are actually two sides of the same coin – the key is you can flip your coin.”

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If you have email and have used email, I am sure you have come across at least once in your internet life this kind of email. The email that asks you to forward to 100 people and you’d be blessed or lucky and winning lottery… Did you read, and/or forward? I received this kind of chain email so many times, and who is it from? It is from my sister!
Geez, I wonder if she ever reads these, or just is enthusiastically pre-wired to just click and send/forward. So this time I decided to write back with a dry sense of humor:

Full View
My dry humor – Re: Fwd: [FWD: FW: Feng Shui (read – Please don’t delete)]

From: Lyna Le
To/Bcc:

——————————————————————————–

1. Chain letter is considered SPAM. While you have nice intention of sharing “wisdom”, you’re sharing everyone’s email addresses. A lot of people do not like their privacies being shared around the world. My 2cents for email etiquette: There is “BCC” for you to use and hide email addresses of your circle; or remove people’s email addresses from the message’s content. Resize the message. Consider people ‘s computer limitations.

2. Why wouldn’t someone get bothered by these changes of font color from red to green to purple.., big font to small font, small case to upper case inside the message? Don’t you feel like you’re being yelled at while reading these? Wouldn’t you want to enjoy reading a more eye-pleasing message?
It would be a big surprise if someone spend time scrolling down to read this entire message, while not even touching or finishing reading a magazine for years. Yeah, you know who. 🙂 Talking about “click and just send”, or “delete”, it seems we are all pre-wired by these chain mail?
…..
Even a preacher can’t practice what they preach. What do you think of that “read – but don’t delete” ?

Hope you take it as my dry humor for today.

Peace, folks.

START OF THE CHAIN E-MAIL
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Date: Tue, 20 Oct 2009 09:26:20 -0700
From: @yahoo.com
Subject: Fwd: Feng Shui (read – Please don’t delete)
To: @hotmail.com; g

— On Tue, 10/20/09, MikeSubject: .

Begin fo

Feng Shui
This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck forwards I have received.. Hope it works for you — and me!

Lotus Touts: You have 6 minutes

There’s some mighty fine advice in these words, even if you’re not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins organization. It has been sent around the world ten tim es so far.

Do not keep this message.

The Lotus Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic, or otherwise faith impaired.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
…..

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In response to a question in one comment to my posting “Givers vs Takers…”, I am posting my answer to his/her question “What is CAPTCHA script?”. I apologize for this delayed answer as his/her comment, whoever the commenter was on my post, was sent from an adult website and therefore his/her message ended up in the “spam”.
Speaking of “spam” and “CAPTCHA” – they are inter-related.
Let’s expand a bit on the term “CAPTCHA”.
In common language, it is a challenge hand-shake language between the machine and the human being before you are guaranteed for access to the machine. This code is widely seen nowadays online, sometimes italicized and bold, other times a distorted image of alphanumerics as in this “WymZ1B2“.
It is a challenge code, of course generated randomly by the machine, which of course is pre-programmed using a hash algorithm (if you know what this terminology is about). It is acronym for “Completely Automated Public Turing”.
CAPTCHAs can be deployed to protect systems vulnerable to e-mail spam, such as the webmail services of Gmail, Hotmail, and Yahoo! Mail.
CAPTCHAs found active use in stopping automated posting to blogs, forums and wikis, whether as a result of commercial promotion, or harassment and vandalism.
Goolge the web for more resources on CAPTCHA, you’ll get more picture of what it means or it does.

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Top 10 list of the dumb things we can all do from time to time, if we are not careful – By Ken Warren.

1 – reading another person’s behaviour in an unnecessarily negative light, not finding a better way to see the situation, if that is possible. When we mis-read their behaviour and don’t cut them any slack, we tend to respond in very human ways.
2 – not thinking before we speak or act. When we do this, often what we have to say comes out badly, at the wrong time, or we don’t talk at all. When we don’t think, we are tempted to do the same thing that helped create the problem in the first place.
3 – simply never finding a good time to talk due to concern about restarting an argument or unproductive conversation. The trouble with this approach is that many matters remain unresolved and the same issues come up again and again.
4 – focusing solely on what the other person is doing wrong, trying to change their behaviour, rather than simply keeping the focus on what we are doing. When we do this, we are effectively trying to control what is out of our control rather than looking at any contribution we may be making.
5 – insisting we be heard first rather than giving genuine understanding to how the other person is seeing things and how strongly they are feeling. If ever you watch a couple of people arguing, you will see them effectively saying, “Shut up and listen to me!”
6 – pretend you don’t have any personal flaws. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst personal flaws you can have, making it hard for you to give genuine apologies, make amends, or learn from your mistakes. It is also very, very annoying for other people to be constantly blamed for interactions in which they feel you have also made a contribution.
7 – not taking other people’s sensitivities into account. This makes it easy to offend or hurt them even when this has not been our intention. Rather than treading carefully around issues that have been hurtful to them, we tell them they are over-reacting, to get over it, or to sort themselves out in therapy.
8 – to think that our way of seeing things is the only way. When we believe this, we tend to try to pressure the other person to come around to our perspective.
9 – to think that other people are wired the same as you. People are different in what helps them to feel happy and have different ways of doing things. But it is the way we deal with differences that is important. By accepting that people operate differently or see things differently, it becomes easier to accept difference or negotiate a common understanding for the future.
10 – to make choices to meet our needs, but in ways not respectful of other people’s needs. For example, we throw ourselves into our work instead of giving priority to the needs of our family. Or we have an affair, drink heavily, or spend too much time on the computer, all of which are not respectful of our partner’s needs. When you don’t take other people’s needs into account, or incorrectly target your efforts, they will not feel inspired to show consideration to you.

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Again and again, so simple just that!

1. Respect. Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies, and minds. You don’t have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honor our opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and “treat us as you would like to be treated”: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.
2. Romance. Just because we’re staying in doesn’t mean the evening can’t be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, physical affection in the car, kissing like when we first started dating — all of the things that made us fall in love with you don’t have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids to be bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We’re not talking $100 bouquets of roses here. Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make us smile.
3. Time. We understand relationships can’t be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says “love” more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before we do, why not vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you’ll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back.
4. Dinner. Of the homemade variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting us at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrastle up) makes us swoon, because it shows that you’ve been thinking about us and our hectic day.
5. Communication. Women are vocal creatures. We know you love us, but it’s nice to hear you say it, too. We can also be insecure. We wish we weren’t, but the reality is that we often notice our wobbly thighs and forget about our gorgeous eyes. So let us know when you think we’re hot. Tell us we’re beautiful. It helps us feel good. Words of appreciation aren’t half-bad either.
6. Consistency. This doesn’t mean be boring and predictable. It means that we know you will (usually — no one is perfect!) give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you’re coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure. Consistency in words is important as well!
7. Engagement. Of the mental kind, not the “I’m getting married in the morning” kind. You don’t have to like everything we like (we might be a little concerned if you do), but showing interest in our passions, be it career-related, a sport, or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when we talk to you. We’re not speaking just so we can hear our own voice; we want to connect with you and this is one valuable way we do this. This also means paying attention to the little things.
8. Humor and Humility. These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn’t mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain us, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.
9. Challenge. Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates us to do, be, or achieve what we desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals — in other words, don’t support lazy or bad habits — are ultimately happier than those who don’t hold each other accountable.

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